It’s not a battle

Cancer is neither a battle or a fight. In fact the constant war metaphors are unhelpful. When I was diagnosed with breast cancer in early March 2019 I was devastated. My life turned upside down in a small consultation room, never to be the same again. Friends and relatives rallied to help and messages of love came flooding in from people who knew me with phrases like ‘you got this’ and you’re so brave” I didn’t and I wasn’t.

The messages did little to reassure me and, although it was all said with love, the impetus to win a fight or wage war on something I had little understanding of added extra pressure to an already highly pressured situation. To me, you’re brave if you deliberately put yourself in harms way for the sake of others. I did not deliberately get cancer to save someone else. I was not brave, I was simply unlucky.

Going through all my treatment certainly felt, at times, like I had been in a fight but I never felt like the winner. Following my first round of chemotherapy I began losing my hair and it became difficult to hide my illness anymore. Using my camera to document my recovery became a form of therapy for me and a reminder that as I continue to live with my cancer story I can see how far I have come.